Red Is The New Black
by ScarletEvolution
Summary: 'When he finally snapped out of it, his vision was stained crimson, and he ripped the strange mask off, because nothing good ever happened when Raphael saw red.' - Set after the 2003 episode 'Identity Crisis'. In the after-math of the fight, swapping tales and trading memories, Raphael finds himself battling not an enemy, but a question. Is there something wrong with him?


_A/N: This story is set directly after the 2k3 episode 'Identity Crisis' during 'Back to the Sewers'. I was intrigued as to why April had to crank the frequency up to maximum capacity for Raph, but it worked first try for the other turtles. They just gave some 'oh, yeah, he's not really the sentimental type' B.S. Hmmm…._

_Disclaimer: I'm currently saving up to buy the turtles. (Do you think five bucks and a bit of pocket lint is enough?)_

Raph first realised something was wrong when his brothers said it'd been a memory of Master Splinter that'd broken through the layer of fake memories. The red-banded turtle felt a twinge of guilt; like he had failed his father in some unexplainable way.

Raph laughed it off at first; let a mirthful smile slant across his face, gave Mikey a noogie, and made a joke at his younger brother's expense. Honestly, he hadn't really noticed that his brothers had stopped fighting. They weren't getting hurt, which was the important thing. Besides, Raph had other things to worry about. That masked vigilante was a nasty fighter, he knew from experience.

And when the second blast clawed its way into his head, white-hot and invasive, instead of healing him, it drove him into a frenzy. So Raph bit back a scream and dove into the fight, because the anger was out of the cage now. Then it hit him again, stronger than ever and twice as painful. Memories scrolled through his head, of family and friends and adrenaline-soaked fights, and there was Mikey, head embedded in a cake.

When he finally snapped out of it, his vision was stained crimson, and he ripped the strange mask off, because nothing good ever happened when Raphael saw red.

Later, in the van, Raph sidled up to Casey, slightly uncomfortable listening to his brothers share all their happy little memories. The vigilante shuffled his feet, but met the turtle's gaze. He was Casey Jones. Since when did he back down from anything?

Raph caught the hesitation anyway, and felt his gut give another little twist. Truth was, the first time April had hit him with the frequency ray, he_ had_ seen memories. None of them were good.

_Leonardo was up in his face again, the words so hurtful because they were true. His fists slammed down on the laboratory table, and Don looked at him with the kind of horror that shouldn't be legal. The metal pipe was too cold, too real, and Mikey's terror mirrored his anger._

The same thing happened the next time, as if something was fighting back against the happiness. Something angry and hateful that tasted like darkness.

When they arrived back at the lair, Raph stalked into his room and fell heavily into his hammock. One arm flung over his eyes, and one leg dangling off the edge, Raph screwed up his eyes and tried to fend off a headache. Unfortunately, his door didn't hand right in it's frame, after being slammed a couple hundred times too many, and the red-banded terrapin could hear low voices outside.

"…understand, April. Why didn't the angry cretin respond to the frequency?"

"Shhh… I don't know, Serling…. quiet."

"Is there something wrong with him?"

"…idiot, he's a ninja… he'll hear you!"

Raph let out a growl and punched the wall. Hard.

_Is there something wrong with me?_

Master Splinter had once told him that there was a darkness inside of him. That he had to fight it.

Had that darkness formed a shield? A barrier in his mind?

**_Is there something wrong with me?_**

But Raph already knew the answer to that.

_A/N: Angsty…. Yeah, I know he seemed fine at the end, but he must've realised at __**some**__ point that there had been a time difference between Raph and his brothers. _

_Of course, we all know the answer to his little question. The real one, anyway. _

_Raph might tell you something a wee bit different. Poor tortured soul._

_Review, PM me, snail mail, even throw a rock through my window with your thoughts written on it._

_P.S – Any of you AMAZING people reading Waiting for him, a) sorry dears, still writing chapter four, and b) yes, I know I've used the whole 'cluster of bad memories' thing before. It's kinda ma thing._


End file.
